Was just asked by a friend how I was doing back in Cali, and the response I emailed her seems to capture my state of being at the moment:
Good, but neither here (Cali) nor there (London) - but that's great for faith, restlessness in life, that is; confirms the fact that we have no 'home' here. See [my blog] for more pensive thoughts like that and more! Back in Cali for the moment, don't see it being a permanent thing, but in the end, God knows best - and that is something I am sure about no matter how unattractive the options look at the moment.
This video clip shown last week in church: First World Problems gave me a sense of the apathy and deceived lack of need in general among the majority of the people in our community here. Oh, the needs are there. The 'poor will always be with you' rings true - but it's easy to walk around with blinds here, to ignore it, to drive past it. And where there are needs, the 'can do' attitude which is promoted and boasted of (and which, in many ways, I am a product of) tempts me to be self-sufficient, self-reliant and not sense a need for the work of the Spirit in the every day.
One thing I'm learning and exercising at the moment is what it means to order my life and schedule and time in a prayerful, reflective, Spirit-led way. That is all just spiritual vocab for 'how to not succumb to the tyranny of the urgent and respond to the needs around me that seem most pressing.' It is an exercise of thinking through priorities, exposing my gut feelings, noticing how God is already working in/around me, asking God to reveal what He might want to do in/around me, etc. This impacts what I sign up for re: kids activities, groups that meet regularly for study/support/fun etc. This impacts who I will have coffee with, eat lunch with, hangout with.
So, at the moment here are the priorities I've committed to (this is tough for someone who has a tendency to over commit):
1. Nurture faith through regular conversations w/close network of friends here/abroad and carve out time daily for study, reflection, prayer
2. Continue to strengthen relationships with hubby and parents
3. Coach/Counsel kids through the re-location/re-entry stress
4. Spend time researching/applying for work so we can earn money to be financially independent/pay bills
5. Support friends who are going through difficult times here/abroad and find other friends whom I can pray with to keep me re-charged and keep me from operating 'in the flesh'
6. Find ways to serve my church that don't disrupt my other commitments at the moment.
The list doesn't seem too full, but I feel good about it and am confident that this is where God wants to be at the moment.
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