Joy in the Journey

Celebrations

The Bible in One Year entry yesterday, 22 May 2012, was a reminder to celebrate - and how the nation of Israel were commanded by God to hold lots of festivals, many to celebrate and thank God.

Every now and then, I feel I need a reminder to celebrate. It's so much easier and natural to moan and focus on what's not right with life. It's as if celebration needs to be a discipline in my life.

So here goes...my Top 10 this last couple of weeks:

1. A poem O wrote as an exercise of "Psalm writing" in Bible class which revealed a genuine desire to trust God though the future is uncertain

2. Seeing J following through with L's new more structure after-school routine and the joy and peace I come home to after work as a result

3. Heartfelt and honest conversations with O recently which replaced former hostility just weeks ago

4. A wonderful weekend away (well, 24 hrs, but it felt like a weekend) w/J 2 weekends ago

5. Looking forward to reunion w/London friends in the next couple of months

6. Being able to coach good friends through both personal and professional challenges

7. The presence (and virtual presence via email and FB) of friends who love me, support me, pray for me, etc.

8. Peace in the midst of uncertain and still challenging times

9. My 'manna' job

10. Seeing God working in powerful and beautiful ways in the life of good friends 

Month 5 Update

It's been two weeks since I've been working at a local company - right near O's school. I'm helping them out with some recruiting and general HR/training & performance improvement projects. 2 weeks in, i'm feeling much more confident I can add value to the organization and am beginning to enjoy the company of my colleagues there, though it's a very different environment than those I've worked in in the past. I do enjoy working among a bunch of people who are quite clever and super passionate about what they are doing. It all beats sitting around in a cafe or library for weeks sending out countless resumes into a black hole. You know you're in a bit of a despairing state when you celebrate at the sight of an auto-reply from a company you've just applied for a job at.

The Summer weather is upon us. And recent purchases of a tennis ball basket, a case of 16 cans of tennis balls, sunglasses for the kids, and bike helmets are evidence that we are truly back in sunny california. We even keep a bottle of sunblock in the car now to protect ourselves. Summer means more tennis, bike rides, outdoor art festivals, picnics, and frozen yogurt.

L is adjusting slowly - it helps that he's got several activities he's been involved in - Monday garden club, Wednesday evening choir, almost daily routine shooting baskets, devouring books from well-stocked local libraries, and occasional tennis on weekends. He surprised us all by winning 2nd in a city-wide writing contest among 500 3rd grade partcipants and will receive an award at the city hall this coming Tuesday. He surprised us again and won an award for being 1 of 3 'Citizens of the Month" in his class for "Patience"

But, he is still struggling with the transition - often claims he doesn't have any good friends here. Really misses T from London and makes a face when I say 'the L word' (London). I've told him that it's okay to be sad - that it's hard...that I often feel sad inside also - but that we can also be happy at the same time - happy about lots of things we enjoy and have here. He's beginning to deal with that dichotomy and understand it better.

We are still meeting up with old friends now and again - these are truly special reunions. Also, we had the privilige of participating as a family in a community project that has really helped to remind our family that God's love and His heart for reaching people through the church is the same wherever we are. We are being super blessed at church with the talks, but I'm still missing the good 'ol songs we used to sing back in London - and really struggled tonight to get into songs I'm not familiar with and find quite dull from a musical standpoint - songs I describe as predictable 3-4 note songs often with a melody line that pretty much is made of 3 (at most 4) notes. But, I just sit down, close my eyes, ignore the music, and try to hear the words and really make them my own. Tonight, during the service, I also was drawn back to memories of praying with my friends - and how normal that was to be in a place where people were constantly interceding for each other. But, things are happening - God is working in us and through us and in the kids and in our friends. Tonight, I asked the kids to take a moment to listen to God, to ask Him to speak to their hearts and minds - and they came up with several pictures that I shall jot down and 'keep in my heart' to see whether there's anything to them. He is near. He is dear. He is always good and forever kind...and THAT gives me joy.

 

 

Present in His Presence

For Jack and I life has been...interesting...the way God is using us in such a different way - I sense God is just asking us (in particular, He's asking me) for the time being to let Him work through me in a way different than I accustomed to - by being "busy" - instead He seems to be asking (forcing me) to be present and bless people around me with my/His Spirit's presence. We've come back to Cali to a lot of friends who are hurting dealing with the shock of cancer and the life-will-never-be-the-same-again treatments, to the "oh-no-i-just-realised-i-don't-have-much-time-left" and "i-just-want-to-start-over" mid-life crises etc.

Though I'm keenly aware that during this transition I could resort to self-pity, self-absorption, etc. I'm not ready to just-slap-on-a-happy-face" and thankfully, my natural tendency is to have fun and have a good laugh with friends, but I actually feel I'm accomplishing more by doing less right now because I'm "nestling" and "wrestling" - more deeply steeped in prayer and clinging on to God's Word in this period of transition - and as a result, I'm feeling the weight of the hurt of others around me more because my own is heart is somewhat heavy. Blessed are the poor in Spirit. Blessed and become a blessing...

Week 16 Reflections

it's been 3 weeks since my last post. the rhythm of life has picked up a bit. the sunny spring season always seems to usher in the fresh scent of socials and outdoor activities that are, for me, a welcome retreat from the virtual cave i've been hiding in.

in the past  6 weeks, i've successfully scheduled to meet with no less than 10 old friends and colleagues  {patting myself on the back for taking the initiative} and genuinely enjoyed the reunions. it was nice to come out of my cave. it confirmed some of the theories i've had about the career path i should choose next. anyone who's experienced being 'in flow' can probably relate to the despair of getting snagged by the riverside, not being able to break free, and feeling disoriented.

a good number of friends have been lovingly sending us job leads. i even had an interview last week for a temporary job and plan to submit a few more applications through friends this week. but anyone who's ever had to go through the job hunting marathon under the emotional strain that comes with it. last week was an 'up' week. now i'm feeling the despair set in again.

the parallel story to this grim post is that on the homefront i'm seeing moment of celebration in my relationship with J and with L's behaviour. As for O, we're in the middle of navigating the pre-adolescent phase of life - but i'm happy i have the emotional bandwidth to invest in that - a worthy investment. also, the Spirit is near and the Spirit is here - so i'm okay and i'm hopeful.

Insights...

It's been a week where my brain was re-charged. I've been re-charged with lots of insights from friends and speakers with whom we've met with or have heard on all sorts of subjects, from job hunting to how to get your 'five a day' vegies/fruits more consistently into one's body.

On the topic of "job hunting" and "career change":

It's better do SOMEthing rather than nothing - so, rather than sending apps in search of a full-time job in position I presume to be a good match, I should take a stab at using a newly launched app to build something useful for someone or some organization - be an early adopter and early practitioner for a new tool, then market my skills - offer my services and become one of the few with a marketable expertise.

On the topic of health and well-being front, I've learnt:

that vegie smoothies with ingredients many would normally consider disgusting in a smoothie (such as kale, beets, carrots, spinach), when mixed with potent icky taste-masking fruits such as bananas and berries, can be a easy and delicious way to pump up one's kids (an grown-ups) with the fiber, iron, and fruit/veg we need to antioxidize, re-energize, and californize one's body.

On the topic of family and parenting, I've decided:

• Occasional joint bedtime routines with the kids is healthy because it is a concrete message of harmony and unity in the family.
• And I've learned that our commitment to teach the kids restraint and reduction with regards to screen time is a life skill that will likely spare them from a life challenged by an inability to focus on all kinds of things in life, from studies, to relationships. A skill that is much more difficult to teach as kids enter the upper primary school years.
• Abuse/Neglect/Threatening behaviour from parents or any other older/bigger individuals in one's life in any form is as 'real' as it is perceived by a child or recipient of that behaviour. This makes me examine whether there are any ongoing habits or consistent messages in our homes/families which may produce negative effects such as a sense of insecurity physically/socially or tantrums and unbridled anger/rage or disengagement/anti-social behaviour.

On the topic of faith and spirituality, I was encouraged by a picture of suffering by Joni Erickson Tada who described her quadraplegia and her confinement to a wheelchair for 45 years as a means for her to be forced to roll to the foot of the cross to know and depend on Jesus. This was not to say that there was anything good about disabilities and accidents in and of themselves - rather, she would liken disabilities or atrocities of our human existence as "splash overs of hell". They are glimpses of hell that should cause us to do anything to turn to the hope and power and love of Christ. My favourite part of the talk was the introduction where she made sure people did not see her as an "expert quadriplegia" who has conquered the disability - but rather a woman who has a hard time getting up every morning and still struggles with all the hassle of being a quadriplegia who is completely dependent on others to go the restroom, to bathe, to get dressed etc. She said as she was in cut-your-wrist despair to God, "If you won't let me die, please show me how to live!" Wow.