See Winter 2011/12 Photo Album and Autumn 2011 Photo Album for recent fam photos! Enjoy...
See Winter 2011/12 Photo Album and Autumn 2011 Photo Album for recent fam photos! Enjoy...
January 09, 2012 in My Story | Permalink | Comments (0)
Sadly, my blog is often the place where I nail down my sorrows or paste them on a screen so I can unravel them and sort them out. But, this evening, I'd like to just mark a day that ended up quite a happy one. Highlights for me:
January 30, 2012 in My Community/My World, My Story, Suburbia | Permalink | Comments (0)
Was just asked by a friend how I was doing back in Cali, and the response I emailed her seems to capture my state of being at the moment:
Good, but neither here (Cali) nor there (London) - but that's great for faith, restlessness in life, that is; confirms the fact that we have no 'home' here. See [my blog] for more pensive thoughts like that and more! Back in Cali for the moment, don't see it being a permanent thing, but in the end, God knows best - and that is something I am sure about no matter how unattractive the options look at the moment.
This video clip shown last week in church: First World Problems gave me a sense of the apathy and deceived lack of need in general among the majority of the people in our community here. Oh, the needs are there. The 'poor will always be with you' rings true - but it's easy to walk around with blinds here, to ignore it, to drive past it. And where there are needs, the 'can do' attitude which is promoted and boasted of (and which, in many ways, I am a product of) tempts me to be self-sufficient, self-reliant and not sense a need for the work of the Spirit in the every day.
One thing I'm learning and exercising at the moment is what it means to order my life and schedule and time in a prayerful, reflective, Spirit-led way. That is all just spiritual vocab for 'how to not succumb to the tyranny of the urgent and respond to the needs around me that seem most pressing.' It is an exercise of thinking through priorities, exposing my gut feelings, noticing how God is already working in/around me, asking God to reveal what He might want to do in/around me, etc. This impacts what I sign up for re: kids activities, groups that meet regularly for study/support/fun etc. This impacts who I will have coffee with, eat lunch with, hangout with.
So, at the moment here are the priorities I've committed to (this is tough for someone who has a tendency to over commit):
1. Nurture faith through regular conversations w/close network of friends here/abroad and carve out time daily for study, reflection, prayer
2. Continue to strengthen relationships with hubby and parents
3. Coach/Counsel kids through the re-location/re-entry stress
4. Spend time researching/applying for work so we can earn money to be financially independent/pay bills
5. Support friends who are going through difficult times here/abroad and find other friends whom I can pray with to keep me re-charged and keep me from operating 'in the flesh'
6. Find ways to serve my church that don't disrupt my other commitments at the moment.
The list doesn't seem too full, but I feel good about it and am confident that this is where God wants to be at the moment.
January 25, 2012 in My Faith, My Story, Suburbia | Permalink | Comments (0)
Last night I was helping O review for an upcoming Bible test on Wednesday. Having missed an entire term of the class, she's feeling quite behind. She was given notice that she needed to take a test which covers info she had not learned before. So, I committed to helping her cram. It seems like years ago now since I learned about the Tabernacle in Israel. She's responsible for describing the layout and set up of the Tabernacle and the objects in the tabernacle.
As she lay in bed exhausted from an afternoon and evening of non-stop studying for various other subjects, I began describing for her some of the content she would be tested on...
"As you enter the tabernacle, you first need to offer a sacrafice - it's sort of an object lesson for the people of Israel that sin cannot go unpunished/without consequences. Then, the priest needs to clean his hands in the basin before entering the 'presence of God' in the tent. Only the priest could enter the tent. God decided that all the descendants of Levi would be ones He would set apart (not because they are 'holy' in and of themselves but because God chose them) as the only individuals who could enter into God's presence and represent the people...Upon entering the tent, you see the table of showbread on your right, a reminder that God provides. On your left is the oil lampstand, a reminder that God guides..."
...and so on and so forth.
When it was time to put her to bed (albeit way past bedtime at around 10pm due to our 3rd Chinese New Year celebration supper with a couple friends who came over to my parent's house), I prayed as I normally do, but this time, I was led to pray about the tabernacle and what it means to me, to us today.
Having been reminded of the tabernacle, I was struck, once again, of a few things:
For some reason, I felt all excited and tingly...as if a surge of joy filled me at the knowledge. And as I walked to my morning QT hangout, this knowledge continued to bring me joy and challenged me. God brought to mind my unholy thoughts - my pride, the lies, and the temptations to doubt God's goodness. God challenged my desire to not waste my life...to live a life that is significant for Him...and how my life will have NO significance if it is not lived in Christ, for Christ, and through Christ - if I am not intimately connected to the ONE who defines significance - if I am not holy. If I am not holy, I cannot even look upon Him for direction. I would feel the need to stay outside the tent, in the courtyard by the bronze Altar of sacrifice.
And then, I go to sit down to read the devotional that accompanied the passages I read YESTERDAY (there seems to be a pattern here...God keeps using the devotional reading schedule for the previous day for some reason) and I read this:
Psalm 14:1-7 devotional from 'The Bible in One Year 2012'
To be given ‘the keys of the kingdom’ (Matthew 16:19) means to be given access to God. This is what Jesus achieved for us. God has always looked for those who seek him. ‘The Lord looks down from heaven on all mankind to see if there are any who understand, any who seek God’ (Psalm 14:2).
But no one is righteous. The apostle Paul quotes this psalm as evidence. ‘All have turned away, all have together become corrupt; there is no one who does good, not even one’ (v.3; see Romans 3:9–12). The psalmist looks around at a corrupt world and says that God is looking for ‘any who understand, any who seek God’ (Psalm 14:2b).
Then the reading concludes with something that gives me an idea of what it means to live a significant life in Christ because Peter (the Church) and the disciples (us!) have been given the 'keys to the kingdom' by Jesus...to do what? To know God and be in His presence AND....to loose on earth what needs to be loosed and what Christ has already loosed (chains of injustice and of sin) and to bind on earth what needs to be bound (the lies and the wickedness humans inflict on each other and society).
So, as I sit here at the local McD's surrounded by a diverse group of people who aren't particularly priviledged, something feels really right today. God has made a way through Jesus for ALL to come into His presence. The curtain veil between humanity and God has been torn - the moment Christ became the ultimate sacrifice - and Jews, Gentiles, priviledged, less priviledged, the praised and the persecuted...can all approach God's throne with confidence and rest in His peace, His light, and His perfect provision.
January 24, 2012 in My Faith, My Story | Permalink | Comments (0)
It's the first day we've got both kids in school - today was O's first day. Driving back from dropping her off from school, I was struck by the reality that the holidays (MY holiday) is over...other than sorting out medical insurance, we're practically settled down, though the emotions still haven't caught up.
I enter this next chapter in life with both anticipation and apprehension - Waiting in eager anticipation to see what God has in store - excited to see this God who has become so dear and so delightful is planning to do next. And yet, at times, paralyzed by apprehension, because change is never comfortable - especially when change is imposed on us.
The first 2 weeks back were marked by jet lag, a stream of socials and reunions, and a flurry of errands and paperwork to plow through. Then the Christmas season came with it more reunions. It was quite a change attending just one service this year after having grown accustomed to the number of services that Anglicans put on each Christmas. How the photos of the beautiful candlight carol service at SGH made me long to be there. The weeks following New Year's was a time of transition for the kids, really - L started school and settled in quickly. He absolutely loves his class and his new teacher. He never stops saying how much 'fun' even though there is more homework to do. I'm quite pleased that he is quite conscientious to complete his assignments upon arriving at home each day. As for his social life, well - that will take more time. Thought it's been quite a joy having O at home for the last 2 weeks, this also meant that most of the time was spent acquiring necessary school supplies (binders for every subject, school PE kits, locker combination locks, etc.) and many hours spent helping her catch up/revising for her maths class so she can enter the 2nd semester with more confidence. I'm pleased to say that we were able to get through 4 chapters within a week's time and she was incredibly disciplined and motivated.
With that behind us, I sit here in the parking lot of Mc Donald's (free wi-fi) after having listened to a message from JC at SGH about moving in the power of the Spirit when we are feeling timid and not at all confident in Him. He encouraged us to aim for our prayers to be that which focused on the life we have in Christ and on thankfulness. The passage, incidentally, was one that was preached just this last Sunday at our church service here (2 Tim 1:4-12):
4 Recalling your tears, I long to see you, so that I may be filled with joy. 5 I have been reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice and, I am persuaded, now lives in you also. 6 For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands. 7 For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline. 8 So do not be ashamed to testify about our Lord, or ashamed of me his prisoner. But join with me in suffering for the gospel, by the power of God, 9 who has saved us and called us to a holy life--not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time, 10 but it has now been revealed through the appearing of our Savior, Christ Jesus, who has destroyed death and has brought life and immortality to light through the gospel. 11 And of this gospel I was appointed a herald and an apostle and a teacher. 12 That is why I am suffering as I am. Yet I am not ashamed, because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him for that day.
The verse that caught my attention last week was verse 7 as I don't feel as confident in the Spirit in my current context without the support and guidance I had at SGH even though I know I have everything in Christ and Christ is here. The speaker, D, pointed out that we would normally think that the opposite of timidity is "courage," but it is not stated as such here in this passage - Rather, a spirit of power, love, and self-discipline. This really helped me with what I need to focus on at the moment and how I can regain the confidence I have in Christ. I need to walk and move through each day with the promise of God's power, with the reassurance of His love for me, and with a reliance on Him as I discipline myself to be rooted deeply in the Word and move intimately into prayer and worship.
JC's sharing about his not having the confidence to pray for the gentleman with cancer was something so relevant and close to home at the moment as I have friends around me struggling with this illness. But the battle is not against cancer, it is against the temptation against disappointment with God and doubt in His goodness and power.
When I step back and assess this last 6 weeks, I definitely feel that I am being challenged to put all that I've received from God this last 3 years to the test. I've grown in intimacy with God, confidence in His power and goodness, in a renewed excitement about reaching out to those in need and in a love for the beauty of the body of Christ, which is the church. Can I continue to have that intimacy and confidence in God during a time of uncertainty? Can I have that desire and love to show grace to my family whom I live with and not just to friends and those in the community? Can I re-integrate into another local body of Christ whilst knowing all the exciting things happening across the pond in London?
And what of my character is God honing and pruning? Pride and a critical spirit surely have no place in a Spirit-filled life. And where there is no repentance, there can be no miracles (as I've read this last week in Matthew). May my life be marked by humility and grace so I can allow the Spirit to move, to work, and to (once again) fill me with the joy I had in Him. May accept the shortcomings of others who are close to me as God accepts those in myself. May I be a light and not suck the light and hope/love of Christ in others. May I continue to be honest about the challenges I face and yet with thanksgiving in my heart boldly move forward in faith and keep my eyes wide open for great things God will show me and do in, through, and around me.
One thing I refuse to do is gloss over the challenges I'm facing now. I'm committed to not omit those in my life log as I believe that the beauty and hope which God brings to our lives is evermore radiant when it is contrasted with the darkness we experience. Often, I find that Christians (in efforts to be helpful and comforting) are so quick to comfort those who are struggling with sweet words or pacify them with harsh realities. But, really, people who are hurting just need the presence and prayer of others. Prayers for comfort, for joy, for the Spirit, for resisting temptation, etc. So, girded with a prayer not to succumb to self-pity, I aim to feel pain, mourn loss, cry aloud, and wrestle with God as Jacob did for His blessings. And in the midst of all of that, stand in awe of God's faithfulness to comfort, rescue, restore, and guide.
January 17, 2012 in My Faith, My Story, Poems & Prayers, Suburbia | Permalink | Comments (0)
Its no surprise that I've been thinking a lot about suffering and healing with news of peers and close friends being diagnosed with cancer or supporting their own families through the difficult treatment process recently. And my visit to a retirement community yesterday and talk with dear friends about "practical issues" about aging and death also made it clear that we all, whether we have the hope of Christ in our lives or not, need to have a theology and a perspective and convictions about such difficult topics. It occurred to me yesterday that the Christian retirement community I visited painted a picture of what is most necessary in the challenging season life when loss becomes a lifestyle...and that is the Hope of Christ and the encouragement and support of others living in that reality.
Equally, I return to Cali with a new confidence in Christ about such things because what I witnessed and heard of what God was doing with regards to healing through prayer. And I know the same God is shows no favoritism to the Brits. He is the same here and there.
I've also know that God doesn't always choose to heal our earthly bodies-sometimes he allows the physical illnesses to give Him the opportunity to heal our souls and to bring reconciliation in our relationships. The fact that He doesn't always choose to heal here and now often has kept me from praying for healing. The disappointment and the potential to stir doubt and even the mocking of others paralyzed me along with the lack of belief (both in faith and in theology) that God can heal and that He desires to restore His Kingdom and that was not just a single event that took place in the garden of the empty tomb when He broke the curse of all death...and not just culminated when Jesus returns to bring everything back under His authority and protection. All the wonder of God's saving power and making things right in the world and in all aspects of life including the restoration and making right of our relationships with the God is included, but not exclusive. It's all-everything-the good, bad and the ugly are moving towards the extreme-towards the 'best', the 'worse', and the 'abhorrent'. The wheat and weeds growing wildly in the same field as it says in the Gospels. So, with all naiveté set aside, I'm compelled to approach the throne with confidence and plead with the Lord to heal and to turn this wretched illness called cancer for His glory's sake-and if He decides not to heal on our terms, let the suffering not be wasted and good only that God can bring about.
The funeral service of my dear former youth leader after a long battle with lung cancer has reminded me not to waste my sorrows. In fact, I found out last night that there's a book with that title-and one called "Don't Waste Your Cancer" which intrigued me even more. For that is precisely what my former youth leader E refused to do-waste her cancer. She told everyone and anyone from strangers in the waiting room, medics in the hospital, neighbors, etc about the hope of Jesus - and though God took her home in her case, she experienced firsthand God's grace EVEN in the midst of the pain-grace in the relieviation of pain and discomfort and negative symptoms as she recounted in numerous periodical email updates.
In humility, repentance, confidence, and the authority granted by Christ alone, I ask the Lord work in might ways to heal both body and soul and to bring many to praise Him because they can't seem to help but do so in light of the wonder of cross, the empty grave, and the good gifts our heavenly Father LOVES to give.
January 12, 2012 in My Faith | Permalink | Comments (0)
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